I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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