I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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