Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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