dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
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we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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