One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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