Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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