it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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