today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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