shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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