I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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