Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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