Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
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im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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