There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
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Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
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Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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