my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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