Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize