My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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