How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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