she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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