A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize