The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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