I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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