yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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