Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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