I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just pee around me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize