I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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