The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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