I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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