i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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