If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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