Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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