I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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