Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize