My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
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My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
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I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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