so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're a waste of cheezeits
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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