I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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