it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I got inside last night via doggy door
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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