What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
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i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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