No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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