If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
someone owes me an orgasm
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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