you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize