I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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