is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
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there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
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I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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