Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize