My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's Friday. Sex?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize