im holly from the hills drunk
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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