Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize