Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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