I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whose ass print is on the piano?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Bring me that man meat
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize