Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize