Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize